so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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