I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Randomize
