Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
