take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
