they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Randomize