It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Randomize
