Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
