Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
