Betty ford says i'm here all night
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
