Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
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