the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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