uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
