i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
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