My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Randomize