New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
