I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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