Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
