dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
