trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
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