the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
