If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Randomize
