it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
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