Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Randomize