yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
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