You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
FUCK WHALES
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
