Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
