I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize