For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Randomize
