Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
