Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
