Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
