u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
