i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
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