He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Randomize
