Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
