My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
