Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Randomize
