Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
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