smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
