My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
love makes seman taste better
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
