i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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