when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
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