So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
so much tequila, so little girl.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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