so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
