May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
