Already got asked if we're dating
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Randomize
