HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
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