Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Randomize
