Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Randomize
