the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
