I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
