it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
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