It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
