That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Randomize
