Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
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