I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Randomize
