Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Randomize
