Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
