Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
