I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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