just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
