We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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