He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
just found out that she named her cat after me.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Randomize
