even my farts smell like vagina
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
