Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Randomize
