if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
And then my night got REAL pukey
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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