So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Randomize
