put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
