Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize