i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
