morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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