i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
