help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
