Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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