if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
