In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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