its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
