An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
