I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
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