His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize