Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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