census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
