chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Just invented taco cereal.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
