We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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