But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Randomize
