but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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