ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
