I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
