Define "chronic" masturbator.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
