this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Randomize
