any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
