If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
