guys are not supposed to queef...right?
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Randomize
