Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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