It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
