i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
